rant

Oliver the Photographer…And you can’t Win them All

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This past week was the first Professional Photographers of San Diego of San Diego County’s (PPSDC) Image Competition.  These are bi-monthly competitions where entrants enter their images to be judge and critique by their peer of judges.  With each competition comes a great learning opportunity and even some victory.  This also was the year that I was in charge of running the image competition.  Which in its own right it is a victory in itself.

After attending, entering, and helping with the image competition over the last 2 years that I have been a member of PPSDC, I took over the reins of this very exciting and gut wrenching competition.  And from what I can tell thus far, organizing and running competition is a lot of work.  A LOT of work.  But that’s not the point of this post.

The purpose of this post is to talk about what happened at this latest image competition.  And I’ll just come and say it; I TANKED!  I tanked in a major way.  None of my images Merited on this night.  I’m not going to lie, it stung and it hurt a lot.  It hurt enough that I seriously wanted to just leave and tell everyone to go fuck it.  The insecurities that I had as a photographer once again showed its ugly head.  It’s ugly head spewing out the; you’re not good enough, that sucked, you sucked, do you really want to do this, you don’t have talent, and you just don’t have it anymore.  You’re a one trick pony.  And to top off it seemed that people that usually didn’t do well in the competition actually did pretty well.  And as much I am happy for them, I’m slightly more annoyed that they did.  I know this is coming from my insecurities and even some cockiness from my end.

Sitting there running the competition and seeing the scores and seeing others doing well made me feel small again.  I kept a straight face as much as I could.  But friends that do know me, usually can tell.  I don’t know if did that night but I think I showed it.

I think the thing that made it worst was that there are some people that got credit that I know they didn’t earn and most annoyingly I know that with such allocates it would be a “look at me, look at me” show.  And it being a couple days since, I know it did.  And too me that was the most annoying part.  I could attribute part of that to be jealous and that is true.  I was jealous.  But still, it was the fact that now it was just going to be shoved in my face not on purpose (well…that’s up for debate) but it was going to be presented in away that I feel that it shouldn’t.

But with this round of ranting and venting over…there are a few things that I did realized that night too.

For one, I understood, you can’t win them all.  And you can’t.  If you did, it wouldn’t make the times that you did special.  Right?  So I know that you need to go sometimes with a down so you can ignite the fire to start it up competitor mentally again and start the process to dominate it.

Secondly, you can’t rest on your laurels.  I think what happened in this competition is that I didn’t follow my normal procedure of getting input from friends that I usually ask if I should enter.  I rested and assumed on my end that my images still would be good like they where last year.  And when I think about it, they are good as last year but that was last year.  What I did wrong in this situation was that I was still producing the same old work and not innovating and creating images that won me the allocates that I did in the past.  I remember I told myself and other that I would always keep people guessing on my work.  And looking at what I entered, it was easy to pick out my work.  And on top of that, there wasn’t much imp ace in those images.  So they should not have merited.

Although, I should note, however it is not an excuse, that the judging that evening was a pretty tough.  Cut throat, blood bath, and massacre come to mind.  It was hard.  And those images never stood a chance.

Another thing I learned that night was that there are a lot of people that truly care, support, and genuinely want me to do well.  And that’s the biggest realization that I got from that night.  Truly the people that showed up, helped, messaged, and text in terms of “how can I help,” truly made the night best for me.  If they are reading this they know who they are.  And as I’m writing this my heart is healing and being filled with love and gratitude from those people.  I seriously love and appreciate them.  I hope they you know that.  If I could I would hug and give you each the world for just doing such a simple gesture.  With that I think I still came out on top.  The night ran smoothly as can be, it was long one but they stuck around, and afterwards we got to have a laugh and enjoy each others company.

But come November, I’m going to bring it.  And bring it BIG.  And along me with I’m going to make sure my friends that I support and truly believe also bring it.  I want them to also succeed and make their dreams come alive.  You can’t win them all but I surely will help those that I believe in without hesitation.  Buddies, I promise you this.

The following are the images that I entered.

Laser beam of light in Antelope Canyon

Laser beam of light in Antelope Canyon – 78/100

Long exposure of a rock lit by Moonlight

Long exposure of a rock lit by Moonlight – 77 / 100

Seattle taken a dusk

Seattle taken a dusk – 79 / 100

Oliver the Engineer…Exhibits & PowerPoints

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Have you ever had one of those weeks where you seriously didn’t do anything else instead of sitting in front of the computer looking at the same thing over and over again?  I think it would be safe to assume that everyone has been there one time or another.  This was my week or weeks, 2 weeks to be exact that I sat in front of the computer screens to work on a powerpoint presentation.  Yes I said powerpoint presentation.  And yes, I’ve been working on it for the last two weeks.

Engineering

Example of the kind of work I do.

This journey all started a couple of weeks ago when I was ask to make an exhibit for work. Exhibits are the diagrams, maps, and visuals that I create for my project.  As a civil engineer, I design freeways and sometimes the way we talk a lot of people do not understand so we have to create a visual for it, so we can communicate our sometimes complicated project to the “common person.”  My goal always is produce something that everyone will get once they study it.  However that is not always the case at least in my situation.  So when I was ask to create another “exhibit” I started asking question if I could improve upon the design and look of it.  I should have known that this was a pandora’s box of revisions to come but more on that later.

So I was given the current exhibit and boy was it in rough shape, the colors of pink and blue on an outdated aerial photos and out of date information was not going to fly and on top of that confused everyone.  So being the maker of exhibits, I took upon myself to organized it.  That was my first mistake.

I begin with first asking my boss what he wanted to communicate to with the exhibit.  And the answer in a nutshell was, everything and you only have a day or two to do it.  “HOLY CRAP!  Really?!” I thought to myself.  Okay, I can do it.  Second mistake.  This will end up with a, “WHAT where you thinking?!”

So after a 10 minute conversation of questions, bounced ideas, and repeated statements, I started to make the exhibit.  First step, track down all of the information that I needed.  Easy enough, right?  Not exactly.  So we needed to present information on our proposed Right of Way purchase for my project, I searched and found it and then about an hour later while I started making the adjustments to present, I get word that things are going to change and that they won’t know for about a day or two.  But on top that I still had to go ahead and continue with what I’m doing.  And there is no problem with that except for the fact that the information that was being researched would affect everything that I was working on which would mean that I would have to start all over again.  And then, not to add more things to the already tall order, I get another request to make these exhibits that i’m creating and put them in a powerpoint presentation.  Okay I thought.  Third mistake.

So when i was tasked to do the powerpoint along side the exhibits, I was told that it was in good shape and would take no more than 15 minutes to work on.  And just like the exhibit before, it would require some major revisions.  By they time was I working on the powerpoint it had already gone through 5 people and I would think it would be exactly what my department wanted.  Wrong!  What I was given was a powerpoint created by 5 people.  So everything was different, nothing was cohesive, and things didn’t match.  So what’s a guy to do in this situation.  I think most people would just throw their hands up in the air and just say it couldn’t be done.  But did I do that?!  No, I thought, easy enough.  Forth mistake.

Okay, if you are reading this, I pretty sure you are thinking, dude didn’t you see the red flags from the start?!  The answer was yes.  Yes I did see the red flags however who was going to do it.  I knew that eventually it would come to me and come to me at the last minute.  I just thought at this point, I might was well get a head start on it now that I have the opportunity.  Yet another mistake.

Oliver just doesn’t learn.  And at this point we are just one day one and as I mention this took two weeks to create.  So basically in a nutshell this happen basically almost everyday for the last couple of weeks.  So I’ll spare you the vent, rant, and head shakes and I’ll fast forward you to two days ago.

So after working on this for the last week and some days, I was tired of looking at the same presentation and exhibits.  From the color changes, to can we do this, can we do that, is this possible, how long will that take, to the word ANIMATION, I was about 90% done.  When finally we receive feedback from our headquarters on the presentation.  And boy was it a lot of comments but mainly it was one of those, isn’t this the way we had it before and we are going to do it that way?!  Yup, it sure was.  So what’s a guy to do.  Concede? Nope, start from scratch and declare that you are going to do it your way and just take over it.  And address the comments, all the comments.

And today, I finally got to the 99% I’m proud to say.  I have one more task to complete and i shouldn’t take me more than 30 minutes to complete.  So there is light at the end of the road.  LOL!  Pun was intended there.  Or at least I thought one would be.  So by Monday morning at 9am, everything should be done and completed!  Hopefully!

Here’s some takeaways from this:

  1. Always look at the POSITIVE side of a situation.
  2. Be prepared to tackle any task necessary.
  3. Sometimes you just have to let things go and let lessons be learned.  Keep quiet.
  4. Small victories over time will lead to a BIG VICTORY!
  5. When you find the thing that you LOVE to do, everything and I mean EVERYTHING is worth it.  So find what it is you love do and work will not seem like work.  🙂

Oh man, what was that? Seriously! Oliver the Engineer

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Okay so I thought yesterday’s rant was bad.  Today just seemed to be one of those serioulsy?!  You want me to do what?!  Why didn’t you say that earlier or when we were at the meeting?

So remember that report I was talking about yesterday.  Well it was concerning that report.  Apparently I was doing it wrong and I wasn’t told about it until I submitted it for the 3rd time for review.  It is stuff like this that makes me go, really?  So who’s checking your work?  And were is the communication in all this chaos.  I don’t mind chaos of sorts but the fact that we don’t communicate at least in my work environment is what drive me super nutty.   I’ve studied engineering for 5 years and I interned during that whole time.  And the biggest thing that was emphasis above all else was that it is about teamwork and communication.  With at least one of those things I think a lot of the chasing around details and the; “I don’t knows,” would go away.

But no improvements thus far have been made.  I’ve even tried to even help kick start such things but to no avail.  I have tried countless time during the pass few months to help it seem to fall on deaf ears.  But I guess karma will come back.  But I just hope that it doesn’t affect me.

Quite a bombshell or not really, was told today at a meeting.  It was just one of those things that remind that the current project I’m on is going so fast that a lot of things are not being looked at but when it does get looked at, there are more problems that arise that because of the time schedule needs attention because it effects other things.  So today’s bombshell was that there are some issues that are affecting the project that would require more changes to the Right of Way.  And Right of Way is one of those sensitive issues because the issues that are causing the problems are the first set of things that need to get built before the actual freeway gets built.  And as always the management is brought aware of these issues but because they don’t know what is going on, the subject is above their heads which leads them to harsh decisions that they don’t fully understand how it effects everything.  The problem that arise from the bombshell was that it would require some right of way changes because there was some water flows that was not considered because of other “priority” issues that we have now found out isn’t as a “priority” as it should be.  So we are stuck with a huge issue at hand that needs to be address accordingly and in a relatively timely manner because we are supposed to complete the design of the project by the end of the month.  And it seems from the plans that we have we are more at 40% than anything.  Currently there seems to be a relauntance from the people in charge of seeing what actually needs to get done.  It seems to me that they are afraid to face the fact that there needs to be a lot done but instead of showing what needs to get done, they want to hide it.  I don’t fully understand how the politics work around my workplace.  However from all of the readings and people I’ve met, it is better to admit fault and failure than to hide it.  If I was them I would show them what needs to be done ASAP and put up an accountability poster.  So that way everyone knows what needs to be done and how much time we need to get it all done.

Man oh man, this post seems to be another rant about work.  I guess it is just one of those weeks, were ranting is needed.  Sorry to you my reader for being to negative at least for the past few post.  I hope that things do turn around for the better but I will let you guys know.  So in the meantime take it easy.  🙂

Monday Mondays… Oliver the Engineer, the

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Mondays are just one of those days that you either get right on or just never seem to get back on track until you are about to leave work. The later was true for me. This morning the day was moving quite slowly and not a lot was happening. I had some deadlines to meet. But as always the people that I needed to chat and discuss with about the pending issues was not there. So in order for me to get things done I had to assume some stuff but as always the current case it seems, when I assume it usually is wrong or the point doesn’t get address accordingly.

Today was the day that I had to get to finish the report that I have been working for a couple of weeks now. And this report at first seem like a breeze however about a week into it, I realized that there were a lot of unknowns that I need to I found out. Te most unfortunate thing though, as much as I like to be proactive to making sure things are going smoothly, it seems that the people I’m relying on are not keeping up their end of the bargain, which one makes the work life more difficult and aggravating. And to my my luck proves time and time to not work in my favor. If it doesn’t kill me, it only makes me stronger is what I say always.

But I wonder how many more times I can say that before that wears out?! I’m going to be optimiztic and say that it’s going to take awhile before a hint of that statement comes true. But something is going to have to happen I fear before anything will change. And to that I say KARMA! What comes around goes around.

So back to the report. This report is vital to the project but some people just don’t understand the scoop of which it will take. People just assume that it will happen and get done but no one checks up on the work. I try my best to make sure it is done correctly however I know that lately my work quality has been slipping. I say that because I as much as I lovey job lately it surely has gotten to be more of a chore than interesting. I’m pretty such you have fired that out by now if I have talked to you or you have been reading my post lately. It is just one of those things were the thing that you love can start to wear on you. The sad fact is that it is not the actual work that is killing me it is my coworker lack of communication with one another. Our team or from what I can make it out to be, is not a te at all. We are all like independent states working against and with each other. One person takes care of what they do and other does the same. And as long as they don’t conflict all is good. But once there is a conflict issues arise and tempers fly and it just makes it had.  So given that it doesn’t make for a productive work environment.

Luckily such was not the case for the report that I was working but the problem was that the people that I needed to submit it too for review was not in the office.  🙁  Oh well there is only more days left in the weekend.