reflection

The famous potato chip rock in Mt. Woodson.

Oliver the Adventurer…and the Potato Chip

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With a jump down and after another few minutes of waiting.  I confidentially and slow walk to the edge, ever knowing that there is a fall in three directions.  I stop, with my knees slightly shaking, and pose for the shot.  As I stand there, I’m thinking, HOLY SHIT, I’m doing it, I’m doing it.  I’m standing on a thin slice of a rock, known as Potato Chip Rock.  As I’m standing on this death defying natural spectacle, as my friend Bryan is taking my picture, I’m still thinking that I freaking did it.  It did without fear and I just committed.  And then all of a sudden, it rush right back.  The fear of falling, the fear of this rock breaking, etc etc etc, hit me.  And when it did, I nearly fell off.  But I quickly composed but not the stance, confidence was cracked and I started thinking, I can’t wait to get off this rock.

This was the climax of a trip that my college buddy, Mikey planned out for the labor weekend.  My buddy Mikey as we call him, is a fellow engineer.  He and the our gang of friends mentioned in the previous article have been friends since our college years.  Which if you think about it hasn’t been very long.  We as group have done a lot of adventures together from weekend travels to cities, annual snowboarding trips, and crazy hikes in the heat.  We are friends that we treat each other like brothers and sisters and even though we don’t see each other often when we do it like it was only yesterday.

This particular adventure begin several weeks ago.  Mikey has been trying for months to hang out with me.  With me being “busy” all the time, it was a bit difficult or nearly impossible for us to meet up and hang out.  So knowing how my schedule can get when you ask me a bit late, he scheduled the whole labor weekend for himself.  Which then it was aptly named “Mikey’s Spectacular Weekend.”

So Mikey had the weekend.  And the only people that could overthrow that would be family.  Yes, even a wedding client couldn’t book a wedding during that weekend.  It was Mikey’s and he’s alone.

Lets fast forward to a couple of hours before the first paragraph.  It was determined that for the Mikey’s Spectacular Weekend would be a day.  A day filled with adventure and hiking.  Hiking?!  Really?!  In this heat?!  “Yeah” says Mikey.  I reluctantly said, “Ok.”  And in the back of my head I was think what the hell, seriously?!  But this was he’s weekend and I gave him the benefit of it.

Mikey decided that our adventure with a couple of other friends would be to the famous San Diego Potato Chip Rock.  This particular hike, as become popular recently as it has been seen, retweeted, facebooked, blogged about, etc etc in the social media stream.  Which this made me kind of not want to do this hike because everyone did it.  But Mikey wanted to try it and do it.  And honestly, I actually wanted to do it but I just had all this noise in my head about doing what everyone did before.

The trailmarker for the hike.

The trailmarker for the hike.

We decided that we would meet up at Lake Poway around 8:40am to begin the hike.  And as always there was something that came up.  For this morning, it was running a few minute behind, I think it was about 20 minutes behind and the push start would be at 9:00am.  Okay, I said in the text message.  So I decided to take my sweet ass time getting ready.  And then do some errands beforehand.  Like pick up water and get gas for my car.  Well taking my time and finally heading there, I text them thinking they would be late.  Well I was wrong.  I should have known Mikey would make up time by speeding on the freeway.  And what do you know it he did.  He apparently speed at an average of 85 – 90 mph on the freeway heading down to San Diego from Orange County.  So unknown to me he got there when we said he would originally be there.  So now I was was the one who was late.  And all I can say for myself was, Ooops!  Sorry man!

After arriving about 10 mins after they did, I got my water, camera, and hat on an met them a few feet away from where I parked my car.  With introductions, Hi’s, and hugs out of the way we began making our way to the trail which would take us up to the Potato Chip.

Only 2 minutes into the hike, we already made our first wrong turned.  For this trip I decided to make a video diary, just like we were going to be stranded and lost and this would be the video the rescuers would find.  A little dramatic yes but it makes for more of an exciting trip.  And after a couple of minutes of looking at the map, talking it out, and a few jokes to poke at Mikey we found the correct trail to go on.

It was now 9:00am and the heat was rising but we were all in good spirits.  Okay, this was one of the first hikes for me in a couple of weeks.  I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to make it.  However with our troops of friends one of them being a nurse, we slowly and steadily made our way up.  The views along the way where beautiful.  Lake Poway where we started was calm and blue as the morning clouds burned off as the sun rose high and hotter throughout the morning.

Getting into the stride of the hike, the breathing started to get labored and heavy.  And at that moment all I can think of was, I can’t wait until this is over.  But being the competitor as I am sometimes, I didn’t want to give up and I didn’t want to miss on the chance to get a photograph at the chip.  So push on I go.  Luckily the group of friends that I went with understood and encourage breaks here and there or more so anytime anyone wanted to have a break.  So include the determination, group of friends, and a multiple breaks along the way it made the hike was not as bad.  I was seriously a bit nervous to embark on this hike because of the heat.

After hiking for more than 2.5 miles, we finally reached the spot.  Within the last few hundred of the chip, it showed itself in all its glory.  From far it looked small and ready to break.  And plus it showed the crowd of people that sat and or waiting to go to the chip.  And with only a wait in front of us, we excited reached out destination.

This is where the introduction comes in.

Photo Credit: Bryan Lin My friends and I reach Potato Chip Rock!

Photo Credit: Bryan Lin
My friends and I reach Potato Chip Rock!

After spending nearly an hour at the top, we had to make our way down.  The trip down the mountain wasn’t as bad as the trip up.  This time we had gravity to help us down.  But with that said it still wasn’t the easiest of hikes to go down.  Now boulders and the afternoon heat was the issue or the struggle.  But it luckily the breezes picked up a bit and that help regulate the temperature and the comfortableness of hiking down the mountain.

And finally after about an hour of hiking down, we reach the bottom of the hike.  Hot, tried, but happy and excited to know that we accomplished the hike, got some pictures, and had great bonding time with each other.  It was a great way to catch up with one another and also challenge ourselves mentally and physically.

The things that I learned on this hike is the following:

  • Don’t under estimate yourself.  You must start out with every task no manner what with a positive note.
  • Friends are there to support, humble, and encourage you.  It is a two way streak.
  • Physical challenges are what brings friends together.
  • Friends don’t always have to ask what you need, they just do it.
  • Always have fun and poke fun at each other.
  • Walks are great times to relate to one another.
  • Cherish the moments with each other and share something about yourself that is true and honest.

I would love to do this hike again and can’t wait for the next adventures that we take together.  Chances are it will be this coming winter; Snowboarding anyone?

Oliver the Friend…and finding a tribe of friends

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Growing up I wasn’t the popular kid nor was I part of the in crowd. I would say that I was purely independent and happy with that. But there were times more times than not that I was excluded from doing and hanging out with certain people and groups that I just didn’t fit in. Experiencing those was one of the hardest things that I had to deal with. I don’t blame this experience but it is because of this that I have become a little skeptical when some people / groups want me to take part in any activities. My usual first conclusion is, they want something from me and then afterwards I would be no use anymore. And most of the time this was the case.

These experiences where one of the hardest things to deal with and endure while I was growing up. Being excluded because I didn’t fit in was really hurtful and hard to deal with for me. I didn’t cry but my feeling and heart were bruised and aching.

The way I death with this was by keeping myself busy with things that I enjoyed and loved. Those things included playing sim city, sketching out buildings and cities, and keeping with my studies. I had friends I could hang out with but the fear of being left out of things made avoid hanging out with them sometimes. I didn’t want to put myself through that.

The one thing that did help was that I knew that there where people and friends out there to be made that would like me for me and wouldn’t intentionally leave me out.

And I did eventually find those friends. These are friends that I feel completely myself and I genuinely get excited to hangout, catchup, and be around with.

One group of friends are a few from high school. These friends I met through the sports I did in high school. These friends I connected with because they not only supported me. They also challenged me and humbled me. These are the friends that nominated me not because I was the fastest but because of my heart. One these friends, I fondly remember said to me, you have good heart. Which at time and even today means so much to me. Hearing that made me see that I was doing exactly what I was suppose to do, which was to be a friend and care and support those around me.

In addition to these friends are some friends that met in elementary school and junior high school that I’m still friends with to this day. These are the friends that when I hangout with them it feels like I just say the, last week. These are the friends that I made during the years of rejection, that didn’t reject me but wanted to be my friend. And to those friends, your friendship over the years have been great. And although we don’t talk much these days, but when we do hangout we start where we just left off. I sincerely cherish and I’m very thankful for our friendship.

The next set of friends where the ones that I met in college. These are the friends that hung out with and grew together with during those formative college years. These are also the friends that I got drunk with the first time but cared for me and made sure that I was taken of. I know it is funny to call people friends when they got you drunk however these are the types of friends that you can trust. They are the ones that will care for you no matter what. These are the friends that on drop of a dime will go out of their way to help you out when you are need. They are also the friends that will challenge you and humble you. They are the brothers and sisters that you didn’t have but you have now because you have such a bond with them. And these are the types of friends that you really need in life.

And then there’s a new set of friends that along with my previous set of friends have help me embrace a new me and let see that my dreams and ideas are more possible than before. These friends I have only met and made recently. However in the short time that we have gotten to know each other, I have grown close and find of each and everyone of them. These friends are not just great friends but they are sources of inspiration. They have not only let me see the impossible as possible but they like my other friends have challenged, humbled, and care for me like family. It is when I’m with these friends that I get my batteries recharge and feel content and peace. I can take a deep breathe and feel relax. I’m grateful and lucky to have met these friends and connected to them on another level that I haven’t been able before. And that’s not to say that my friends previously mentioned didn’t do that because they did in a lot of ways. I just wasn’t there yet in my life and ready however they are part of my life now and only made it richer. But this set of friends have enriched my soul, mind, spirit, thought, and dreams become alive and ready to burst out. They are there to help celebrate for what I can offer to the community at large. And they do so willing not because they have to but because they WANT to be there and only want me to see me succeed.

My tribe of friends however small is a very special and tight knit of friends. If you are reading this you will know who you are. And I want you to know I appreciate whole heartedly very hi, how are you, smile, hug, hand shake, laugh, encouragement, joke, high five, question, and moment that I share with each and everyone of you. You guys give me so much and don’t ask for anything in return, you just genuinely want to care for me. I and blessed and happy to have you part of my life. You give me peace, energy, and love like a family does. And with the biggest hug and heart; THANK YOU! <3

All things have a end and a begin, it is just a matter how you see it.

Oliver the…and a rough few days

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The last few days have been such a rough few days.  There so much going on, both good and bad.  Sometimes when it is like this, it makes you wonder WHY?!  One minute you are at a high and then the next you are at low.  And when that happens to you more and more it begins to wear down on you.  Your energy starts wavering and you lose interest in the things that you once did regularly.  And then you try to do those things that makes you happy but then you feel bad for trying that and neglecting / blocking out the negative, knowing that you it is not your fault but still care enough about it.

I don’t know if you ever go through this ( well I’m sure you do too) but I am going through this right now.

All things have a end and a begin, it is just a matter how you see it.

All things have a end and a begin, it is just a matter how you see it.

And going through this has been leaving me in a fog with no clarity in sight.  And the only solution that I can think of is take it day by day and see where it goes.  The only other thing that I know that is helping me is writing down / blogging how I’m feeling and just getting it out there.

Oliver the…and things on my mind

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The last two days or few for that matter, I have been struggling with being restless. Sometimes it seems to me that when things are going well, a little too well, that eventually there is that moment when the shit hits the fan. And then things get dirty and stinky.
As of late there have been a lot of things going in my life. Some good and some not so good. And dealing, managing, and addressing all of these things have started to weigh down on me and make me restless. I try to be calm and collective but sometimes I just mentally freak out. These are the time where everything seems that it can not get accomplished and I just fell overwhelm and the solution or the more like it that I take is that I just shut down and deep down I wish it would complete itself. But I know from experience that this is not the case. By doing what I just did, it simply delays the uncomfortable situation where I have to face myself and see that I’m not perfect. The stupid thing is that I don’t see myself as perfect however I sometimes try to make it seem like it. But deep down I can be scared and afraid to admit this to friends. The thoughts of, being looked at differently and judged in a manner of being less than what I am now is scary to think about.
I have this one nightmare that I tell everyone the way that I feel and everyone just defriends and no longer speaks to me. And I just wake up in a daze and confused feeling because I couldn’t understand why my friends would just do that to me. I attribute this nightmare to my younger childhood when I wasn’t seen as anything special because I wasn’t one of the popular kids. At the time I just told myself; ill show them. And shoe them I did, I focus all my efforts on my studies and things that I could do myself and not ask for help. Looking back at it now, I did this to show off and show that I am valuable and I have something to offer. But I think at the time I just wanted to show off that I was better than they thought. But still after all that time and effort I still wasn’t good enough. It seemed it didn’t matter at all, I was still seen in the same way. And again I couldn’t understand.
Even to this day I still do this and admittedly it still feel really weird when I do get compliments and applause because for the longest time too, it seemed that I would only get this when people wanted something from me. Basically I know they were going to use me and then leave me. But the frustrating thing is that I knew it but I still did it anyway because there is a big part of me that everyone has good in themselves and their good will come out. Bit unfortunately more times than not this hasn’t been the case. Which I think to this day makes it hard for me to accept achievements as true achievements because I still think that nothing I do is special and that everyone can do it. This is one thing that I still struggle with and try to work on.
I know that a lot of the friends that I have met over year sincerely and wholeheartedly mean well when they compliment me and I really do appreciate it. I really do because it is with those friends that I just want to hug them and just overwhelming say thank you to them for believing me.
I think the hardest hurdle for me is being restless and having all these scenarios running in my head. My mind runs in so many directions that sometimes I can’t figure out what is true or not. I come with these scenarios that may or not occur. But instead of letting it happen I think too much about it. And I think I do this is to less the pain, embarrassment, and uncomfortable feeling that comes when things just don’t turn out as I hoped.
If you are still reading this at this point thank you. I appreciate you listening to me go on and on about this. But I wanted to let you know, I really do see the best in people first. I know that if I have made friends with you and we have build a good relationship of getting to know one another I am thankful for your friendship. You have truly made me feel blessed and happy. I know with your support and genuine friendship I can overcome this. But just know that sometimes a one on one conversation or a simple message of; “Hi, how are you doing? I hope you are well. wanna hang out?” from time to time is always a nice gesture and I do appreciate it. I still live under the premise of the golden rule of; TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED.

Oliver the Friend…Talking and Listening

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I love to talk. I have always been known in the family as the talkative one. I was and sometimes still that curious little boy who loved tell mom and dad about that new thing I learned. I was always to share the knowledge with other to help them see more and understand why things are the way they are. Even to this day when you get to know me, I throw out random facts about people, places, and things. Sometimes to unsuspecting friends and strangers it would come off that I have been to a place that I never have been to before.

One of my favorite passages growing up was looking at maps and our collection of encyclopedias that my mom and dad bought when my sister and I were young. These books would entertain me for hours while I would go page to page examining the pictures and trying to understand them so I can tell others about it. I always felt growing up that if I was curious about something someone else was bound to be curious as well. For the most this was the case however I was always disappointed when I find out that a person wasn’t interested at all. I didn’t understand as a kid why random fact about the place that they were in didn’t matter to them. And this even Madeira want to dig deeper. So I would ask why? Why? Why? And eventually I would get an answer from that person. And sometimes not being satisfied to what they said I would it look up to just make sure that they didn’t just tell something so I would forget.

Over time this questioning stop because I would often find that most people just didn’t enjoy the questions or random fact that would say. So I stopped. But when someone would give a listen and they seem genuinely I would go on and on like when I was a younger. And I an talk.
Secondly, I also love to listen to people’s stories. Growing up I love sitting near my mom, dad, aunties and uncles when we would have parties. I would sit there listening to the stories they where telling to one another. At least with my aunties hey would always be surprise to find out that I would understand what they were saying. And I would love to hear the banter that my uncles would do when they hung out. It was such a great way to listen nail earn how to tell stories to a captive audience. It was during these times that I learned about listening for the details and finding the connection between parts of the stories and then I would go further to connect to the things that was being said. One of my favorite things to do was get quizzed by my uncles about all things geography and transportation. I would get ask questions about these things and I would answer them with so much confidence that sometime I would get frustrated when they didn’t believe in me even after showed them that it was true with what I was saying.

So to this day when I hang out with friends and family I’m a talker. I chat about some of the most random things with them but that’s because I find out details about them when they chat about things. I’m always keeping mental notes about people on my head and when I find something for them I would email, Facebook message, etc them the information. I do this because I genuinely would like them to get their questions answered or have their issues resolved for them. So when you hang out with me don’t mind me talking or in the opposite case don’t mind me being quiet because I’m always listening and will have the best of intentions for you.